There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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