dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
