what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
