Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
