She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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