we're chasing vodka with high fives
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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