is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
