He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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