my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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