I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
