in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
