You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Randomize
