It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
