There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
