what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
