I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
there is puke in my bra ... again
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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