ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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