I'm gonna have a badass scar
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
nutella sex= disaster
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
