my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
