I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
