Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
