I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
