her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Randomize
