I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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