I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
