How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
