Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
