I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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