This girl is more easily done than said...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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