omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
