I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
honey bunches of taint.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
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your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
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He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!