My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.