this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
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the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
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Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died