Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
