Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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