She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
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you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
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SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.