i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...