I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We just shotgunned beers for America
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He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
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My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker