FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
