Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
