Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
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My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
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She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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