is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
