my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
