Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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