Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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