smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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