i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
