Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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