i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
