if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
