Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
splinters make it hard to masturbate
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
