If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
