I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
