I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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