How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
