Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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