i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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