I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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