Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She told me I should be a condom model.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
