Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I intend to get homeless drunk
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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