Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
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