I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
