I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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