So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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