Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
