it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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