based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
