pedialite and red bull = repair kit
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
