i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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