True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
