After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dignity is for republicans.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize