I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
