I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Randomize
