so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
