i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
