I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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