I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
from now on my penis is your penis
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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