Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
